I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
