but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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