I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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