he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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