I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
