She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
