Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
