I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
