If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
