drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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