dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
