We're facebook friends in real life
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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