trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
