Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
