I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Floor bacon is actually really good
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
