You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
