Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
