let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Also, beer. Big fan.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
