And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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