we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
