didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize