My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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