We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
