Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
