At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
