We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
