i wish my penis had a tongue
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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