glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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