I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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