I hate your face
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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