no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
