K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
