You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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