Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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