North Korea, Best Korea!
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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