i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
