I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize