I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
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