i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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