I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
