i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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