we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize