I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
