So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
