we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Your penis caused this!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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