And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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