I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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