meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize