I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
