Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
