I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
false alarm. still invincible.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
