Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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