Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize