anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
