Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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