U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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