i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
