I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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