Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
