hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
