did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
