Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
