my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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