New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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