Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
