shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
