I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
