i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize