I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
