i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
