like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
