It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
