let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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