Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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