if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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